holy shit
i knew teslas were bad but "literally twice as deadly as the average vehicle" is something else
So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.
So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"
But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:
And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)
Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.
And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize
They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy
you have to understand the glass shattering over my head i felt when THIS was the first message i saw from noa after his surgery
Anonymous asked:
So I’m a minor (16 to be specific) and I frequently watch and read stuff with explicit sexual or 18+ content in it. I live in an extremely conservative Christian household and things like explicit fanfic are pretty much the only option I have for learning about sex that isn’t abstinence only. I do feel bad about it, especially when I see adults online say stuff like “oh i watched lots of inappropriate things as a teen that i really shouldn’t have” and it makes me feel like I’m ruining myself in a way that I won’t realize until I’m an adult? Right now I don’t see what the big deal is but i get the feeling that when i’m 24 or something I’ll wake up one day and be ashamed of this for some reason i’m not mature enough to know yet. Should I just stop and wait until I’m 18 to continue or what?
batmanisagatewaydrug answered:
hi anon,
okay. I’m gonna hit you with something:
turning 18 does not actually change the way you feel about porn or sex or anything. the difference between being seventeen and 364 days and being 18 is nonexistent. there’s not a magical switch that changes you as a person; that comes from lived experience. if you’re 18 and your experience is still that porn and smut and what have you i something that you should feel bad about, it’s still going to feel that way and a birthday won’t change that.
look, the whole notion of “I saw [x] that I shouldn’t have when I was young” is like. okay. so you saw something that was a little mature for you that you didn’t quite get? awesome. did you die? no. most people’s hangups about sexuality don’t come from seeing a rogue titty when they were a teenager, they come from the culture that person was raised in that made seeing a rogue titty feel like something to be ashamed of instead of a completely natural part of life.
story time! when I teach my 4th-6th grade OWL classes (Our Whole Lives, great human development program) I always start by holding a meeting with the kids’ parents. I’ve been doing this for seven years, and every time without fail some of the parents will recall seeing porn for the first time as a kid. these guys were kids when printed porn magazines were still a thing, so they were discovering them in all kinds of places - the bedrooms of their parents or their friends’ parents, at bus stops, in the woods, once even stowed in some farm equipment. and they remember it feeling illicit and exciting, sure, and possibly making them confused or even horny for the first time in their young lives, but like… that’s it. none of these people are irreparably damaged by seeing porn. in fact, they’ve grown up to be the kind of people who go out of their way to make sure their young kids are enrolled in a queer-friendly, body-positive, diversity-embracing sex ed class to counter stereotypes and misinformation they might receive elsewhere.
looking at things that arouse you is morally neutral. it can be a great way to help you learn about what turns you on, and even if it’s not the best source of factual, realistic depictions of sex, it can still help you discover things - hell, I only figured out what the clitoris was by reading Young Justice fanfic (shout out Snaibsel).
you can’t ruin yourself, at any age, with the media you like to consume. what makes you uncomfortable and anxious is the attitude you’ve been taught to have about that media, which is something that has to be actively unlearned, because it’s certainly not going to just disappear on its own when you become a legal adult.
tl;dr obviously no one is making you watch porn and you shouldn’t if it makes you uncomfortable, but if you drop it right now and come back when you’re 18 don’t expect to feel any different if you haven’t done any more unpacking re: the conservative Christianity of it all.
amplifying this reply with permission from @atohii, because it's a very helpful framing:
ALT
I want to apologize to my friends and family who have children for low key treating their kids like dogs but the standard methods for training dogs are even more effective of them because they actually understand language and are better at reasoning.
Positive reinforcement is amazingly effective, like I saw my nephew poking their cat so I sternly told him no, he stopped and I immediately changed my demeanor and cheerfully told him thank you and how happy I was that he listened to me instead of staying angry at him and he got this strange “Oh…It actually does make a difference wether I’m naughty or not” and later my sister in law asked why he’s so polite around me.
That’s literally what works best on dogs. Let them know when you don’t like what they’re doing but also let them know when you’re happy with them even if that means changing your demeanor on a dime (and even if you’re still a bit mad at them for doing it in the first place).
Oh and little treats. I skipped the aunt phase and is already turning into a grandma who has candy in her pockets for the kiddos for good behavior.
Yes yes!
Firmess without violence, clear consistent reasonable rules, rewarding desired behaviors, and showing consideration for their feelings
works great on all of us- dogs, people, cats, horses, heck they do this with octopuses and it works. It lets us communicate what behavior is pleasing to all and safe to do, or to use to communicate, and what behavior is not.
NO im NOT mad that my powers haven't activated AT ALL yet *my telekinesis throws nothing across the room*
i'm gonna be honest i don't get why they say everypony instead of everybody in mlp. it's not like the word everybody is human-specific. the ponies have bodies. the word everypony, however, is pony-specific in a world where ponies are not the only people in their society, which means it would be more accurate and inclusive to use everybody instead of everypony. it all makes no sense to me
maybe they all hate spike..?
oh my god
oh my god
The Brony to alt-right pipeline is starting to make a little more sense now.
tired-of-obscure-sufferings asked:
Have you seen nilered's video about making coffee from scratch?
It's euhhh..... interesting....
lastoneout answered:
Oh god what did he do now kfjdslkjf
A scale with NileRed on one end and B. Dylan Hollis on the other
You're SO right but it's not a scale it's a 4-quadtrant graph:
WAIT
Need a NileRed video where he spends two hours making insanely potent THC oil and then puts it in the most dogshit ass boxed brownie mix, the kind with like three ingredients and four steps max, and he STILL fucks it up somehow.
So no one was gonna tell me I misspelled 10MPH, I was just supposed to figure that out on my own??
i dont know who nilered is but this looks like a good way to speedrun dysentery
NileRed is a god of chemistry who also makes the worst food anyone has ever had the displeasure of eating. You should watch his cotton candy video, it's painful.
Could we not perhaps allocate a bit of the budget to getting a FUCKING SPATULA????
I feel like this is not the time to be measuring with our hearts...
Well I'm glad someone does.
I wish you guys could see the look on my face rn.
I dont know that I could do any better but also:
HOW IS IT ALREADY THAT BURNT ON THE INSIDE TOO?? REAL "DOES THE RED MEAN IT'S RAW? SHOULD I COOK IT MORE??" HOURS HERE!!
Also:
Yeah. Just yeah.
Call this man Mt. Vesuvius the way he's reducing organic matter to carbon 😭😭😭
Somehow not convinced the tools were the problem here.
BRO-
STOP!! FUCKING STOP!! THE YELLOW MEANS IT'S BURNING HAVENT YOU EVER FUCKED UP POPCORN BEFORE OH MY GOD STOPP!!!!!!!!
He's like "why isn't it working??" and I'm like my dude cooking is not chemistry you do need to be able to improvise because food varies so much!!!! When they put 12 minutes in the instructions they assumed you could USE YOUR NOSE AND EYES to determine when it was BURNING like??? How are you alive??????
Yeah. Yeah...
Ya think???
Well, brewing coffee is far closer to chemistry than roasting it so let's pray he can stick the landing here.
I've never had yellow bubbles in my coffee but...
Thank god they stuck the landing. Somehow. Now please never learn to cook, I need this kind of shit like I need oxygen. 100000/10 o7
I found the fourth quadrant
You're the second person to suggest him so this is officially peer reviewed and thus very true trust me I know science about as well as NileRed knows cooking.
Now, where does Ordinary Sausage land on this chart? Or do we have to include a third "god-fearing Christian/faithless heretic" axis?
Saw a guy on reddit complaining that he and his girlfriend who deeply fulfills him emotionally were having sex only 2-3 times a week and he considered this a deal breaker, and I found that most people were taking his side and it made me feel insane but then again I'm not sexually active and my only romantic relationship was with a guy so repressed he thought seeing me as a sexual object was disrespectful. Either way I seek enlightenment as to how many times a regular couple of my age range have sex with their partners
sexually active people 20-30 years old, how many times a week do you consider the norm regarding sex in a relationship?
every single day
at least five times a week
at least four times a week
at least three times a week
at least twice a week
once a week is perfectly fine
less than this / I don't care that much
not sexually active
not within the age range.
what would I be without the celibacy website I love you guys
BOSS MAKES A DOLLAR
I MAKE A DIME
THATS WHY I MAKE MEADE
OUTTA THE COMPANY SLIME
BOSS MAKES A DOLLAR
I MAKE A DIME
THATS WHY I STEAL HONEY
TWO ATTA TIME
BOSS MAKES A DOLLAR
I MAKE A CENT
THATS WHY I TAKE HONEY PACKETS,
BOTTLE, AND FERMENT
BOSS MAKES A DOLLAR
I DONT MAKE JACK
EXCEPT FOR THE MEAD
#MEDIEVAL LIFE HACKS
god dammit, just battled an ancient evil too powerful to defeat alongside my heroic allies and now they're all talking about "locking it away" and "binding it in a vessel" we are soooooo fucked
the party mage just brought up the idea of each one of us taking a part of the sealing artifact to prevent them from being reunited again and releasing the evil, no way these dumb assholes aren't getting corrupted 🤦
okay so after a little time bonding with my shard of the blackstar, I've decided that 1) this was actually a pretty good idea and 2) all the armies of the earth must tremble before me
what if instead of being under the impression that Darth Vader killed his father someone told Luke that Vader killed his mother and then Luke hit him w that accusation in the middle of their confrontation and Vader just started crying
